This decision about going to Mayo in Rochester is much harder than I anticipated. Everytime I think I have one, then something pops in my brain to change my mind. It also seems that I am the only one resisting it. Everytime I think of it I feel selfish & realize how many tests they'll want to do, etc & then I just see me being 55 and still paying off medical bills. That's a huge investment to say I want to go up there. I know I have a wonderful family who would help as much as they could, but I also don't want to be more of a burden on them then I already have. Its a tough call.
I do realize that I'm not quite 'myself' anymore. Eventually you get worn out of being sick & tired all the time. Its also harder to know what all I am missing out on in working, school, friends & family...but, yet, I know it could be worse &, truly, I am lucky to have the awesome friends & family I have!
I did go get some bed raisers to raise the head of my bed which helps me be a little more comfortable at nighttime...tonight, I just can't sleep because I keep going over everything in my head. I just want to make the right decision. I guess this is where faith, prayer, & lots of discussions with my family & the docs come in to play...especially faith! Don't know what I would do without a belief in God, don't know how anyone does it really!
Anyway...those are my thoughts tonight. I'm going back to my "Golden Girls" episodes & hopefully some shut eye. Thank you all for your support & love...I'm constantly amazed by it!
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