Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

~From a headstone in Ireland

My dear Sunshine (S. Julia) passed away at 8:47pm this evening. While I was going to say she lost her battle with cancer, I think it is more like she received her reward. The one she has worked her entire life to gain, eternal life (or as she says eternal discovery). I was blessed; I had her in my life and we were very close, but even more so, I was able to share this journey of death with her. Though at times it was almost too difficult to stand, it was a gift. I received a phone call yesterday after my senior comps that "it was time" and I was to get over there to see her--so I did. I spent a few hours over there in her room, as I joined some of her nearest and dearest Sisters as we stood by her bedside and I left after saying what I thought was my final goodbye. Julia, however, was not ready to go last night, she held on until her close ones were able to get to town and see her--so again, tonight I went back over there, knowing this probably really would be the last goodbye. I was heartbroken, I walked into that room and saw her lying there and busted into tears---how could God take such an angel away from us? But, now I realize how could He not? She lived her whole life to spend eternity with Him--she was ready, He was ready, and as much as I like to say I am too--I'm not. Selfishly I grieve for all of us left behind who will miss her so dearly. I was , however, comforted tonight---as some of us gathered in the room, one of the Sisters started singing, but changed the words a bit--they say "Julia, remember us when you get to the Kingdom" and they sang it so beautifully---I cannot sing, so I spared Julia and just listened (smile). I was with her for quite a long time tonight, I said goodbye to my Sunshine, told her I loved her and came home. About 10 minutes after I got home I received the dreaded call--she was gone. I am ever so grateful she went peacefully---and she did not suffer, she had no pain. As I sit here, I wonder what she's doing now---I remember a conversation I had with her only about a month ago as we sat and talked about Heaven---her eyes sparkled everytime we did as though she couldn't wake to seek out the pure "discovery" as she always called it. She laughed and told me it would be so marvelous and that she'd be dancing with God. I like to think that right now as I type this--she and Jeanne (her twin) are with God right now and they are doing the Mexican Hat dance--how Julia loved to dance. My heart is overwhelmed with sadness---yet in some way is comforted knowing she is safe, she is happy, and most of all she is dancing. I don't think time will ever heal the pain of losing someone so close, but as someone told me "it'll make it bearable." Right now, it's not---but I have faith that someday it will be. The love, the compassion, the wisdom, the strength, and most of all the faith she has given me will live on forever, as I intend to pass it on to those I meet---in gratitude for the life who has given it to me. There is a song, Thank You for Giving to the Lord, the refrain in that song says, "thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed, I am so glad you gave." When I heard those words I think of Julia---she gave everything she had to the Lord, until her very last breath---and I am certainly only one of the many lives that it changed. There were two things Julia always assured me of "I'm already there" (which was for whenever I was sad or something exciting happened and she wasn't with me, I would call her and she would say "but I'm already there"--there is a song by Lonestar entitled I'm already there---and she would remind me to listen to it. She also would remind me with "I love you dearly" I always knew I was unconditionally loved by Julia---there was never a doubt. She was my angel--She IS my angel--I am still unsure of how I will proceed on without her--but I hope she's looking down right now saying "but I'm already there." May she & God be dancing their hearts out right now and may she be embarking blissfully on her "eternal discovery." I miss you already Sunshine and I cannot wait until you bring my dancing shoes to me someday. I love you Dearly, always.

Picture: That is my dear Sunshine on her 80th birthday (this Septemeber) I threw her a little mexican party and some of us celebrated with some good mexican food, margaritas, mexican music, and great company---it was a day I will always hold dear---I like to imagine this is the look she gave God as He greeted her--one of joy, one of happiness, one of excitement--