" 'Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn't he?' I said, 'yeah.' He said 'that's a good thing. When you're screwing up and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up.' And that's a lesson that stuck with me my whole life. Is that when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care."

*Randy Pausch in his "Last Lecture" at Carnegie Mellon (2007)

So...do you ever have those times that you are really struggling with whether or not you really want to go into a specific field because all you hear are negative comments from those currently going into or are already in the field?!?! I have certainly been going through that time right now. I've been more than open about my desire to pursue science in some degree. Since I was 3, I have wanted to be a doctor---not the doctor that made millions with a big fancy house, but one that traveled with 'Doctors Without Borders,' and helped those who could not get help otherwise. It has been a goal of mine forever. Though, there are many times I wonder whether or not I should get a PhD in a scientific field & teach. Afterall, teachers & professors truly make a significant impact on so many lives. Science (the core sciences like biology & the social sciences, like psychology) have always been fascinating to me.

Lately, however, I have been bombarded with negative attitudes towards medicine & science. I have had doctors (my own, and 2 relatives) tell me not to pursue my M.D. That life as a doctor has changed dramatically. It is "no longer about patients, insurance runs the show" they tell me. Malpractice insurance is skyrocketing, lawsuits are almost a given, & on & on they go about how bad medicine is right now. Now, I am not arguing, medicine is currently facing terrible issues & I think it is downright stupidity to have insurance agents, who have never even had a basic science course, telling physicians what they can & cannot do for their patients. There is something HORRIBLY WRONG with that process. But, while I can see the problems they discussed with me, it was very disheartening. Medicine was always something I had dreamed of & to hear people say it isn't all its cracked up to be was hard.

So...I thought, okay, maybe I should do the PhD route. Then I had friends who were currently working on their PhDs in neuropharmacology & immunology who said "don't you dare, save yourself from this life." Apparently with the current government, funding is almost impossible to get these days which is making everything more cut throat & competitive. Now...I know that you aren't supposed to listen to other people, but you cannot help but wonder what is going on with the science field that so many are so unsatisfied. Needless to say I was rather bummed & sad that no one was sharing my excitement to continue on in science. So...I pushed it out of my mind for awhile figuring I would figure it out eventually. But, just in case, I have been looking over MCAT books to prepare myself for the exam.

Fast forward...on Thursday I was on the plane to go see Catharine. I was flying from Atlanta to Tallahassee. I pulled out my MCAT Biology book attempting to study & keep myself awake. The lady next to me saw what I was reading and struck up a conversation. I'll make a long story short; she was a biology professor at the University of Georgia & is currently working for conservation in GA & FL. She was a very dynamic woman & completely ON FIRE about biology, medicine, conservation, the joy of being a professor & passing on knowledge, etc. We spent the whole flight in conversation about the state of medicine, science research, our duty as human beings to save each other, & so many other topics that I cannot usually find anyone else to discuss with me! ;0) We had a mutually wonderful time. We exchanged e-mails & have kept our conversations going via the net. Yesterday she sent me a transcript of a lecture that was given my Randy Pausch who has his PhD in Computer Science (I thought of SLinda). If you EVER get a chance & need something inspirational, humorous, & downright proof that you can be happy in anything you choose to do, & you can achieve your dreams, please go to this article: http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/Randy/pauschlastlecturetranscript.pdf

It is certainly worth the 26 page read. Between Chantal (the lady on the plane) & Randy's article, I have been given new hope that indeed my life in science won't suck if I do not let it & I always keep the reason I am there in my mind. As Randy said in his lecture (and I'm paraphrasing this one); in life we run into brick walls. They are not there to stop us. They are merely there to see how badly we want to get to the other side. If we want it bad enough, we will. The wall is meant to weed out those who want it for the wrong reasons from those who truly go at it with geuine passion.

I am still amazed at the timing & random placement of Chantal & our conversation. I don't think it was a coincidence & I am grateful. It was nice to have the encouragement to keep running towards my dreams; science in general & medicine. Who knows...maybe someday I'll be able to make the field a little better! Please check out Randy's article!! It is quite a read for people of all ages! ;0)

PS: FLORIDA WAS GREAT.

Picture: Randy Pausch---I found this on google!